My Prayer

I grew up in an environment, where Prayer was an important aspect of life.  Morning prayers and evening prayers.  In evening prayers, all the family members sit together and recite stotras, sing bhajans and finally do Aarti..  Only later I realised that how powerful these sessions were, as they provided strong bonding among the family members.  Our lives were centred around our temples.  Ours is a community, fled Goa during the Portuguese persecution, and settled in different villages in Kerala, and Karnataka.  Going back in history, our community is originally from the Indus Valley, flourished on the banks of Saraswati river and had to move eastward and southward and found home in Goa.  I belong to a community that got worst affected by the persecutions by the invaders, both Europeans and Moghuls.  Fled from the Indus Valley to Goa, and from there fleeing to neighbouring states Karnataka, Maharashtra and Kerala, to protect our culture and customs.  The history says, our ancestors held tight on to the customs and culture, in spite of the cruelty and hardships they faced.  Prayer was and is pervasive and an important aspect of that culture.  

During the days of my growing up, have seen and practiced many manifestations of prayers, viz., meditations, different kinds of pujas, havans, participation in temple rituals and ceremonies etc.  All events at home always started with prayer.  Somehow, I was very inquisitive about the prayer itself.  I always saw a ‘purpose’ in most prayers.  Before the exams, praying for easy recall of whatever learnt, to get good marks etc.  Before start of living in a new house, havans and pujas are done to purify the house.  Though wedding is a social event, the social ceremonies are interwoven with prayers.  Before a football or cricket match, fans supporting the teams pray for the success of their teams.  As only one team can win, not sure about the fate of the prayer of the other team! Then there are promises, promising something to the god such as doing some specific acts / visiting some specific temples / monuments / places etc., if desired result comes out.  

Though I tried to read scriptures and understand the ‘essence of prayer’, could not find a convincing answer.  I just went with the flow. Prayed the way everyone prayed. Did the rituals and ceremonies as everyone in the family and the community did.  Participated in temple events and festivals, as all others did.  But still, there was a lack of comfort.  In early 70s, I got an opportunity to briefly interact with Swami Chinmayananda.  I was a volunteer in a ‘Gita Jnana Yajna’ swamiji was conducting in Trivandrum.  It was a knowledge sharing discourse for about 7 days.  In the mornings, Swamiji used to interact with people whoever comes to visit him.  One day, Swamiji had an interaction with the volunteers (including me).  He asked each one of us to ask one question, which possibly he will try to answer.  I took that as an opportunity to ask the question which was bothering me for quite some time.  I asked Swamiji, “What is Prayer”? In his own characteristic style, he told me first that he was happy that this question was asked.  Here is the essence of what Swamiji said.  “Prayer is nothing but ‘Surrender’; surrender your ego, surrender yourself.  Irrespective of the physical rituals, get to a mindset of complete surrender.  In a prayer, nothing is asked, and no promises are made.  Prayer is not a barter system, where you ask the God your desires and you give in cash and kind for the fulfilment of those desires.  Do have faith in ‘God’, all pervasive god. And whatever comes in life, accept it with ‘faith’ that whatever happens is for your good.  Also, there is nothing like 'God fearing'; it should be 'God loving'..”.  

This answer from Swami Chinmayananda has not only given me THE answer to my question, but also sowed a seed in my mind on the way I started looking at Prayer in general and my ‘faith in God’ in particular.  It was not that easy for me to transform myself to a different thinking in my spiritual journey.  It was a struggle, and the transformation was not easy.  Over a period of time, I stopped asking anything in my prayers. I started accepting whatever comes in my life with smile, without any questions as ‘Why Me”.  Now I consider this event [interaction with Swami Chinmayananda] as something that was preparing me to face difficult challenges in life.

I get amused by how the ‘belief in god’ or ‘faith in god’ is generally practised by people around.  Most prayers seems to be barter systems.  In order to change the consequences of some events in life, people resort to mystic topics such as astrology and associated rituals, to change the consequences.  I started wondering how can people resort to such things, if they have ‘faith’ in god. Isn’t that a manifestation of ‘lack of faith’ in god, where by all means people try to change the consequences, and reward god with cash and kind? Sad to see that such ritualistic manifestations are on increase and spiritualistic practices are on decline.  

I love going to few temples, our rebuilt ancestral temples in Goa and our village temples in Kerala, where I have not seen any discriminations of any kind.  I become uncomfortable when I see people paying money (officially) to cut short the queues to idols.  Isn’t it temples are sacred places, where everyone should be considered equal?  I go to temples primarily to get feel for our culture, architecture, art, and feel the positivity.  Of course food too.  The food that we get during annual festivals days in our village temples in Kerala is awesome!

Coming back to the topic.  The strong ‘faith’ in God, manifested as ‘whatever God gives me is the best for me’ approach has immensely helped me to be happy in life, and also made me to face difficult challenges.  There were many occasions in life, where I would have collapsed otherwise.   That piece of advise from Swami Chinmayananda, is still the guiding principle of my spiritual journey.  Surrendering the self, NO bartering with God and practicing as simple life style as possible are the three pillars of my spiritual journey, in which prayer is pervasive and implicit.  In that process, I see myself drifting away from many meaningless rituals and ceremonies, and moving towards more inner peace.  

What is "NORMAL"?

I have been hearing the term “NORMAL” in the context of referring to people other than those having special needs. And those with special needs are referred to as “SPECIAL”.  Even I too refer that way.  After working closely with few individuals with special needs during past few years, I start wondering who is “NORMAL” and who is “SPECIAL”.  

People who always worry about what others will think of them, are they “NORMAL”?  The “SPECIAL” ones never bother about what others think of them.

People who treat others based on their religion, cast, class in society, are they “NORMAL”? The “SPECIAL” ones have no idea about religion, caste and creed.

People who treat others with biases, are they “NORMAL”? The “SPECIAL” ones love everyone the same way.

People who consider some types of work as ‘low’, are they “NORMAL”? The “SPECIAL” ones consider all types of work with same respect.  We learn ‘Dignity of labour’ from them.

People who impose etiquettes originated from certain cultures, are thy “NORMAL”? The “SPECIAL” ones behave what they are comfortable with.  As far as it doesn’t hurt others physically or their behaviour doesn’t become vulgar, why should we force them to behave in a manner which a certain group of people feel ‘correct’.   

These days most of us keep getting good morning messages in WhatsApp groups, with advises, quotes, good practices etc. etc.  People who just forward such messages (at times very biased / sceptical), are they “NORMAL”?  When I analyse the actions of those people considering the meaning of such messages from them, they don’t go together. 

These days I have stopped watching news channels in TV, also hardly read news papers, as it is very difficult to differentiate between ‘news’ and ‘stories’. Those who propagates stories in the name of ‘news’, are they “NORMAL”?

People often play mind games and hit below the belt to those with whom they act as if they are very ‘close’.  Are they “NORMAL”?

I have no problem calling those with special needs “SPECIAL”.  But I have problem, calling everyone else “NORMAL”. 

Rhythm - A powerful medium for honing skills of "special" individuals

I have been fascinated by how rhythm helps in improving skills in individuals with neuro-developmental disabilities such as Autism, intellectual disabilities and Downs Syndrome.  I am convinced that rhythm exercises can make the Neurons work harder and communicate among different parts of the brain, leading to improvements in many faculties.  A case study of how rhythm exercises helped develop 'sense of rhythm' leading to improved quality of tabla playing by a developmentally disabled person is presented in this post.   

It is little more than an year and half I started working with Anand, an intellectually challenged individual, who has been learning Tabla for many years.  We were setting up a music initiative 'Tarang' under Yash Charitable Trust, with Aarti doing vocal, Pratibha playing Sitar and Anand on Tabla.  I have observed that Anand is able to play many 'kayadas' and 'thekhas' of quite a few 'taals'.  When tried to play along with vocal, I could see Anand's struggle.  I felt that the struggle is due to not having a 'sense of rhythm' within.  Because of this, Anand was finding it difficult to sync with the rhythm of singing.  Initially Anand went on playing Tabla, irrespective of what is rendered by the vocalist.  The video clip below (April 2016) demonstrates this.  

To address this problem, we started with rhythm exercises every week, and asked Anand to practice rhythm exercises regularly.  Rhythm being central to any genre of music, and such a powerful medium for enabling different parts of brain, I persisted with rhythm exercises with all the team members of Tarang.  The main objective was to instil the 'sense of rhythm' within the members, especially Anand, as he is playing a percussion instrument.   The first change noticed was, with prompting Anand was able to follow the rhythm of singing for few seconds.  When his attention drops, he loses the rhythm.  

Five months later in September 2016, Anand was able to play Tabla with simple rhythm to a great extent, provided he is prompted by touching his body rhythmically, or showing him the beats while performing.  This improvement is visible in the clip below.

We persisted with rhythm exercises in order to build 'sense of rhythm' within Anand, so that he reaches a stage of playing with vocal by synchronising himself.  Anand progressed steadily and today Anand can sense the rhythm of the same bhajan that Aarti is singing and follow on tabla in sync.  The clip below (taken from a performance on 28th April 2017, in Pune) shows this improvement of Anand.

As Anand could get the beats for the straight rhythm with 'Teen Taal' (Pattern 4-4-4-4), I introduced a complex rhythm with 'Roopak Taal', where the beats follow a pattern 3-2-2, which is quite difficult.  Repeated rhythm exercises with different combination of patterns helped improve the 'sense of rhythm' within.  In couple of months time, Anand could play the basic Roopak Taal on Tabla and play in sync with vocal and sitar renditions.  The clip below shows Anand's Roopak Taal rendition for Aarti's vocal singing.

I consider this as a huge leap in gaining proficiency in playing Tabla as an accompanying percussion instrument.  It gives me immense satisfaction to see the way Anand grows steadily in his Tabla playing.  Support of his parents is a major contributor in achieving this.

What we saw here is how rhythm exercises helped Anand improve his Tabla playing skill.  But I am sure, the rhythm exercises must have definitely helped improve other functions such as cognitive and behavioural development.  

Jugalbandi - Another Milestone in our Musical Journey...

Last Friday [12th May], myself and my daughter Pratibha presented a Jugalbandi of Sitar and Bansuri at the historically important and famous 'Sree Krishna Temple' at Udupi in Karnataka.  It was a memorable day for us and a major milestone in our musical journey.

Almost about 3 years back, we never thought that either Pratibha or me will ever perform music on a stage.  After learning Sitar for few months, we have to give up her learning, as she couldn't move beyond playing plain notes, and couldn't find a teacher.  The stem cell therapy that she underwent has considerably enhanced her fine motor control and sensory integration skills along with many cognitive and behavioural improvements.  That has immensely helped Pratibha in her musical journey, by improving her: sense of rhythm; ability to grasp, ability to learn and remember musical compositions; alertness and attention span. 

After her stem cell therapy, I took the onus on me to teach Pratibha Sitar, with my limited knowledge in Hindustani Classical Music and Sitar, based on my two years of learning Sitar.  The way how Pratibha was taking interest and showing progress, has encouraged me to push her further.  Though I started learning Bansuri, hardly found quality time for practice.  Pratibha started getting stages for performance, and I focussed on preparing her for performing, as she was gaining confidence after each stage performance.   Finding a teacher to teach Pratibha Sitar was a great relief, as that helped me to start focussing on my Bansuri practice.  

"Tarang" is a music initiative that I drive, where developmentally disabled individuals sing as well as play instruments.  When we planned a one hour stage performance by Tarang members, it was decided to make it "inclusive", in order to emphasise that the developmentally disabled individuals too are part of community, just like any others.  To give an emphasis to 'inclusion' Pratibha's individual performance with Sitar was planned as a Jugalbandi with me performing Bansuri with her.  Learning, planning, practicing and performing the Jugalbandi with Pratibha was an awesome experience for me.  

This is a major milestone in our musical journey.  It was not easy for both of us. Whenever the rhythm drags, I could give clues to Pratibha through Bansuri.  We had combinations of repeating taans alternatively on Sitar and Bansuri, sharing taans by doing parts, playing Bansuri in different octave than what is played on Sitar to give better effects etc.  I was very happy to see how alert Pratibha was to wait for me to complete and then join for playing together, at the right beat on the rhythm.   Yes, there were slippages and scope for lots of improvements.  We are working on that. 

Thanks to our gurus, Smt Aparna Deodhar, Pratibha's Sitar guru and Sri Himanshu Nanda, my Bansuri Guru, for their whole-hearted support and encouragement.  

In a span of one month, we performed the Jugalbandi on three stages, two for Tarang, and the last one at the historically famous Sreekrishna temple complex, in Udupi, Karnataka.  Both of us immensely enjoyed performing.  Considering the situation 3 years back, the feeling of 'we performing together' is yet to sink in.  Yes, it is a dream come true...   

Here is the video recording of our performance in Udupi.

We discovered many areas of improvement for both of us.  We are practicing and striving to improve quality of our music.  

Why 'Ga' and why not 'Ma'?

Couple of days back my daughter started learning raag Bhupali [called as Mohanam in Carnatic music].  She has been learning raag Durga [called Shuddha Saveri in Carnatic music] for the past 3 months.  Just to make her understand the notes of Bhupali, told her to replace the note "Ma" in Durga to "Ga" to get Bhupali.  That's when she started asking this persistent question, Why 'Ga' Bappa?  A very difficult question to answer.  Her Sitar teacher made her play the notes of Bhupali, in ascending and descending orders, for her to get comfort.  It took her few sessions to get over the 'Ma' and play 'Ga'.  

I was struggling within myself on how to make her understand the differences in raagas.  I got hold of few audios / videos of Bhupali and Durga [vocal as well as instrumental], and made her listen to them quite a few times, and get feel for the two raagas and the differences.  

According to music therapists, raag Durga is supposed to give a 'joyful' (आनंद) mood and help in dispelling depression, and ushering in positivity and in addition to renewing the energy centres in the body.  While raag Bhupali is supposed to give a feeling of 'Shant' (शांत) i.e., Serene, Quite and Peaceful.. So changing of note "Ma" to "Ga" changes the mood from आनंद to शांत.  

Now the big question in front of me is, how to measure these effects, claimed by music therapists? Want to do a small experiment, where I want to measure the effect of these two raagas on people, especially those with neudo-developmental disorders.  

Here are two hindi film songs one based on Bhupali and the other based on Durga.  One of my all time favourite song "Sayonara.. Sayonara.." from the movie 'Love in Tokyo', is based on raag Bhupali.  

The song बृंदावन का कृष्णा कनैया (by Hemant Kumar, Md Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar) from an old movie 'Miss Mary' is based on raag Durga.  The music is originally created for a Telugu song, and then used in Tamil and Hindi.  Those who have an ear for nuances in music, might be able to feel the differences - 'Ma' in place of 'Ga', leading to शांत and आनंद.  

Now let me add here two lovely short classical presentations, one vocal rendition in raag Durga and the other Bansuri rendition in raag Bhupali.  I am making my daughter listen to these many times (of course, she enjoys too 😀), leading to, she imbibing the differences, so that, on some day, it can inspire her in her playing Sitar.

Raag Durga by Sushree Anuradha Kuber.. 

Raag Bhupali by my Guru Shri Himanshu Nanda

Surname Bemusements!

I like most things of Mumbai... The "Live and let live" attitude of people, making room for a fourth person in a 3 person seat in trains, neighbours responding positively to difficult situations, celebrating festivals together, work ethics of people, kind of freedom that children enjoy (compared to other places I saw), sense of responsibility showed by many youngsters etc. etc.. One thing that makes me uncomfortable in Mumbai is the lack of "individual" touch while addressing people.  Many people of Mumbai prefer to address others with surnames rather than by names.  When people call me "Mr Kamath" or "Mr Sreenivasa", I feel very odd and uncomfortable.  I am Rajeev, and why don't call me by my name?  Before coming to Mumbai, I worked in Bokaro, Bhilai, Visakhapatnam, and Chennai.  And I was born and brought up in Kerala.  All these years never felt such odd, because of the way people address me.  This socially vibrant Mumbai seems to have lost personal touch in this aspect..  

Picture credits:  Google search

Not many people in South India have surnames in their official records such as School Leaving Certificates, Degree Certificates etc. They face an uphill task when they apply for passports or any such document.  They struggle to discover their surnames / last names, and ultimately ends up with being called as something else.  

Picture credits: Google search

In south, for many, the house name becomes their surname.  Many communities in Kerala uses father's name as surnames.  Many don't have a surname at all; they just use initials, that indicate father's name and/ or house name.  I have seen in one community, they need just two names, to take care of any number of generations.. Mathew George's son becomes George Mathew by default.  Father's surname is George and son's surname is Mathew, and that continues for generations.  Chandy Oommen is the name of the son of former Chief Minister of Kerala Oommen Chandy!

In my case the expansion of my initials 'S' became my surname ['Sreenivasa'] in all official records, and actual surname [which should have been 'Kamath'] got lost.  I use it unofficially, only to satisfy the surname obsessed people.  To avoid further confusion, I ensured that my children do have the right surname along with their names in official records. So they have no confusion in their official records.  But, the passport office decided to change whatever was given in the application form of my daughter, and replaced it with my official 'surname'.  Have to live with it for now.  

People from south, really struggle to fill a form where they are expected to provide First Name, Middle Name and Last Name.  I know, it's a challenge for many.  In Andhra Pradesh, it's bit more complex.  Cricket legend V V S Laxman [Vangipurapu Venkata Sai Laxman] has fist name, last name and two middle names? I think, Laxman must be his name, and not surname.  Lucky guy; people call him as Mr. Laxman.  Have seen names which has even 5 or 6 parts.  

I know a person as 'Suresh N' for many years.  Got a bit of shock when heard people calling him as Mr. Nikarthil.  Absolutely no connection with his name.  Nikarthil is his house name.  

When I was working in IIT Madras, happened to meet one guy with name Namboodiripad, and this guy was from Andhra Pradesh.  As this was one of the famous surname in Kerala, I became curious.  It was surname of the first communist Chief Minister of the state.  As I was curious, asked him how did he happen to get this surname? His answer gave me a bit of shock. Seems his father was a staunch communist, and chose the surname of that communist leader for his son!  This solved another puzzle of name of a student of mine, which was Kamarajan Nehru. Kamarajan is the name of an ex. Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu, and Nehru is that of our first Prime Minister.  People have freedom to choose names [both first name and last name].  

When I was working in Bokaro, I use to talk to local people in my workplace (Bokaro Steel Plant) on their culture, lifestyle, way of life, social celebrations etc..   I remember, one staff member, whose surname was 'Prasad' telling me that he kept his son's surname as 'Choudhary'.  The reason he gave was, the surname 'Choudhary' has a better chance of getting a government jobs, at that point in time. Things might change when the boy gets to the age of 18 or 20 for him to get a job!

Because of different cultures and ways of life in India, there is no single structure for naming people. We are trying to fit that diversity into a uniform structure [which is not bad], that leads to bemusement.   

Would love to see a system, where people are addressed with their names rather than the so called surnames!

2016 - Looking Back

Every year I use to do an introspection during the year-end period.  Thought of putting it down as a post for me to refer later.  Though I don't make any resolutions, but wanted to show some improvement in satisfaction levels in my own life, and my contributions to other's life.  I think, I'm quite satisfied on those fronts.

The year started with giving second stem cell shot to Pratibha, with a hope that her improvement would get accelerated.   The highlight of February was attending the Chinmaya Naada Bindu Fest at Kolwan Pune (CNB Fest).  I'm not able to find a word for expressing my feeling. Yes, the experience was musical, spiritual, pleasant, satisfying and very inspiring.  Meanwhile got an entry confirmed at the 'Konkani Sammelan of North America' for Pratibha to perform Sitar for 15 minutes.  Thanks to Rajesh Koppikar for making this happen.  This lead to putting focused effort on Pratibha's practice and me starting on Tabla to accompany her.  

In the month of May we participated in a press conference organised by Neurogen Hospital regarding stem cell therapy and Pratibha's progress.  The Malayala Manorama newspaper published a full page article on Pratibha highlighting her improvements. 

Coverage about Pratibha's story, on Malayala Manorama Mumbai Edition

This lead to me getting many (close to 80 to 90) phone calls from 'parents of children with special needs'., over a period of few months.  I patiently explained to them my understanding of stem cells therapy and asked them to take decision based on their own conviction.  Though it was very taxing to explain in details to each and every one of them, that gave immense satisfaction to me, as I could be of help to many such parents.  It was very satisfying to say that more than 25 - 30 of them got stem cell therapy done for their children, and are doing good.

Three weeks (end of June to beginning of July) were spent with Prashant and Kruti (Son and Daughter in Law) in the US.  Stayed for couple of days with my good old friends (Bhasy and Shyamala) in Dallas.  Our first time stay with friends.  Also met another good friend / class mate Prof. Jacob with family at Atlanta.  It was a delight to meet Venkat, another associate of mine, who worked with me at IITM many years back.  Enjoyed all the three occasions.  Felt extremely happy to be at Georgia Tech University for some time. That academic smell was intoxicating.  

Pratibha performing at the Konkani Sammelan, Atlanta, USA

14th and 15th of August this year was another musical experience at Kochi.  I could attend "Raag Rang" organised by good friend Uday. It was an opportunity to listen to day time raags, that too by young musicians Dr. Shashank Matkedar, Smt. Anuradha Kuber, Shri Mukul Kulkarni and Shri Kailas Patra. They were some of the best hindustani music concerts I have ever heard.

Performance by Anuradha Kuber at 'Raag Rang' Kochi [Photo credit: Shri Uday Shenoy]

Another major project that gave me immense satisfaction was Tarang, the music band of differently abled persons.  Driving Tarang has been an awesome experience.  We could present few major stage shows, two of them exceeded one hour.  Choosing the songs, creating musical bits to them, training the members on Sitar, Vocal, Tabla and Bongos gave me immense delight.  

Tarang Performance at Chinmaya Naada Bindu, Kolwan, Pune

Training Pratibha for preparing her perform an hour of performance was quite tedious, but very enjoyable.  Pratibha did perform at Trivandrum, in a get together of my friends, which was attended by well known Hindustani vocalist Smt Abhradita Banerjee.  A major observation was that, Pratibha could realize the mistakes and herself correct and proceed as if nothing has happened!  I consider this to be a major progress in her music journey.  

Pratibha performing at Sree Moolam Club Trivandrum on 29th November [Photo Credit: ananthapurionline.in]

Meeting students, whom I taught more than 25 years back at IIT Madras at Chennai was very nostalgic and relishing.  Another 'Aha' moment was a fabulous tabla duet by Pt Nayan Ghosh and Pt Swapan Dasgupta at the Nehru Centre on 29th December.

Tabla Duet by Pt Nayan Ghosh and Pt Swapan Dasgupta at the Nehru Centre [Photo credit: SMB Family Whatsapp group]

The top 3 of the year are:

• Preparing Pratibha for a one hour Sitar performance
• Working with Tarang team and preparing them to perform stage shows
• I started saying "No", where I should.. I generally find it difficult to say "No".. 

Bottom 3:

• Couldn't put enough time for my Bansuri practice.  [hardly any practice this year]
• Not been reading much
• Wanted to write more frequent blog posts. Couldn't...

Breakthrough:

      Found a right Sitar teacher for Pratibha.

Actin Plan for year 2017:

• At least 6 visits to Chinmaya Naada Bindu this year for intense Bansuri practice
• More blog posts... short ones..
• Read more and spend less time on social media..
• More music practice