What a journey that was…

During last month (October), my daughter Pratibha gave four sitar performances in Kerala, each for around 40 minutes.  Yes, they were not “perfect”, but had sense of music in them.  Comments from people who know / perform hindustani music were heartening. I am sure, Pratibha enjoyed performing, and quite a few people in the audience enjoyed her performances. That was quite satisfying.  

We started this ‘saga’ about 10 months back.  The goal was to prepare Pratibha to perform Sitar on stage, in front of people who understand and appreciate music.  In last year September, Pratibha underwent a stem cell procedure at Neurogen Hospital, Navi Mumbai.  At the end of the stay at the hospital, we had set goals in order to ascertain the effectiveness of the procedure done.  One of the goal was to see Pratibha perform sitar with improved sense of rhythm, for about 10 to 15 minutes on a stage in one year time.  

We started the journey with a '15 minutes performance' goal.  We had no idea on what she will do, whether she will be able to grasp the complexities of classical music, whether she can remember and play for good amount of time etc.. Pratibha’s academics is almost zero, and she can’t even remember spellings of a 5 letter word, even after repeating it many times for months. Indian classical music has strong mathematical basis, manifested as rhythm / ‘Taala’, and well-defined ‘prescribed’ movements through the swaraas / ‘notes’ that produce melodious music.  Pratibha has gone through basics of Sitar for about an year and a half, more than 5 years back.  With a gap of almost 5 years, I was not sure how much time it will take her to get back to a level of comfortably handling the instrument. 

For me, I was touching Sitar after a gap of almost 5 years.  Initially, I tried to recall what all I learned, and started practising.  I knew playing very basics of 4 - 5 raags, that’s all.  It took her couple of months to get back to practice the basic alankaars (practice patterns), and introduced her to playing a very small bhajan in raag Yaman, all in plain notes.  I introduced couple of small ‘meends’ [pulling string to create gradual variation of sound from one note to other].  In couple of days itself, Pratibha did the meends quite well, and that prompted me to try a bit of ‘aalaap’.  As Pratibha was responding quite well, in trying out aalaap in raag Yaman, my interest also increased.  Teaching her aalaap was a challenge as well as an awesome experience.  Making her pull string, listen to how the note change and then stop when it reaches the right note.  It’s not that easy.  She did that with fair amount of comfort.  That has made me to increase the bar and set a higher goal.  The goal of making her performing for 15 minutes changed to 30 minutes.  

Whatever “yaman” raag I knew was just for 20 minutes and I had to learn more and then teach that to Pratibha.  I started listening to lots of yaman raag on sitar by many performers and started making notes.  Started creating my own taans (manodharma swaraas), that go well with the composition that Pratibha plays.  Also, I made some changes to the main composition, so that the taans I made go well with.  I introduced few variations and a set of taans in the beginning of the compositions itself.  I did’t know whether it is ok to do it or not; whether that violates any rules of the gharaana or not.  No one was there to help me out on this.  So just went ahead. First I practiced the variations and taans on Sitar with ‘iTabla’ on iPad, to make sure that the taal (rhythm) is right, and goes well with the composition and Pratibha can perform it.  

Now I decided on what all components will go into the 30 minutes presentation of raag Yaman.  The overall plan was to have aalaap, jor, vilambit lay (slow speed) composition, madhya lay (medium speed) composition, and jhaala.  The slow speed composition was the same what I learnt at Sangit Mahabharati, but made some changes based on some performances I heard on the net.  Within the slow speed composition, I planned sthaayi (pallavi) with few variations followed by an anthara (charanam). This was different from what I have learnt in Sangit Mahabharati.  Each part of the presentation was again sub-divided into smaller parts for Pratibha to comprehend and play.  That strategy worked.  She could remember sequences, though initially she struggled.  

Each sub-part was taught to her and she started practicing and reaching a good level before moving to the next sub-part/part.  As her speed of playing improved, I thought of introducing dugun [playing in double speed] in the slow speed composition.  Pratibha took quite a bit of time to get comfort in switching between single to double speed and return.  Once she started doing that fairly well, I made her play tihaai [a rhythmic pattern  played thrice and ends in the first beat of taala] while switching from double to single speed.  The practice focussed on each part, playing 20 to 30 times, so that she gets a hold on the patterns.  Once each part is done, the focus of practice moved to playing the parts in sequence.  Initially it was difficult for Pratibha to remember the sequences.  But over a period of couple of months she could remember the sequences most of the time.  During this time, Pratibha was practicing about 2 hours everyday and 4 hours on Sundays.   

To make the performance a concert, Pratibha need to play a different raag after the main raag, for a shorter duration.  I thought Bihag may be a good choice, as both Yaman and bihag are evening raags.  A short aalaap that I have learnt from Sangit mahabharati was tried first.  I was bit apprehensive, because to get the essence of bihag, she has to play upto 4 notes on a single fret, by pulling and stopping the string at the right notes on the same fret.  Surprisingly Pratibha easily did that.  I also tried making Pratibha use 2nd string to reach shadj note of mandra sapthak (lower octave), which she did with some difficulties initially.  But ultimately felt ease in doing that.  It took quite a bit of time for Pratibha to get the hang of sequences of bihag taans right.  Once she conquered that too, I was tempted to raise the bar again.  I have learnt a very short and sweet composition in raag ‘Shudh Bilaval’ at Sangit Mahabharati.  The plain composition is a very short one, and Pratibha learnt that fast, but getting rhythm right was the real problem.  It took her quite some time to get the rhythm right to some extent.  Still I was not comfortable her playing that on stage.  I thought Pratibha can conclude the performance by playing the famous hindi song “Hum Honge Kaamayaab..”.  She quickly picked up playing the song on sitar, but rhythm was not steady.  She needed more practice to get the rhythm right.  

With this, Pratibha was getting ready for her first major performance.  Getting an opportunity to perform at Chinmay Naada Bindu (CNB), Pune, during the Gurupurnima celebration there, was a real blessing.  Big thanks to my bansuri guru Himanshuji for the opportunity.  Pratibha felt very comfortable playing at CNB, with most in the audience being masters in Hindustani music.  She played a cut-down version of Yaman for 15 minutes.  She was struggling to manage with the cut-down version, as she had to make changes to the sequence pattern, that she had already learnt.  Many “Wah Wahs” that came up during the performance was a big boost for her.  Yes, Pratibha fumbled there couple of times.  But she played fairly ok.  Then we got another opportunity to perform at a community get-together.  Though the crowd was around 150, few people did make it a point to listen to her.  Both these opportunities helped Pratibha to get adjusted with live tabla.  

Daily practicing all the pieces together for couple of weeks before the first performance, helped Pratibha to fine tune many finer aspects.  Still there were few rough edges;  they need lot more time to get smoothened.  As the day of first major performance was coming closer, Pratibha had speed synchronisation problems for couple of taans (manodharma swaraas); also she was not able to get her fingers reach the note in time for a complex pattern.  Still I thought of keeping those patterns, assuming that with more and more practice she will be able to close the gap and perform better.  The gaps were identified and her practice was focussed on those areas, along with practising whatever planned for the whole performance.  I wanted our Sitar teacher Smt Jyoti Ghosh to listen to Pratibha playing sitar, and get suggestions for improvement, that did not materialise.  

Many of my engineering class mates planned to come to Edappally Changampuzha park to encourage Pratibha.  I have not met many of them after we left college 37 years back.  I went to the venue in the morning of the performance day and saw a huge flex board there, listing all the performances for 9 days of Navratri, that included Pratibha’s name.  I was originally thinking that, Pratibha’s was just a non-publicised item, just before the main dance performance of the day, which was directed by my sister.  But everywhere, the organisers gave equal publicity to Pratibha’s performance too.  That has created a bit of fear in me.  But whatever done can’t be changed.  

When we sat on the stage for the performance, I could feel bit of nervousness in Pratibha.  That was evident when she was repeating few patterns; and I have to intervene and prompt her the next pattern to be played.  What relieved me was, she did’t stop in between, but repeated the patterns following the ‘laya’, while she was trying to recall the next one.  After completing yaman raag (which took 32 minutes), she was about to perform Bihag.  She asked me whether she can skip the aalaap. But I asked her to play the aalaap, as it was very short and seweet.  I did’t realise that she was struggling to get out of raag yaman.  She tried and couldn’t proceed with bihag aalaap, and I asked her to discontinue aalaap and directly go ahead with the composition, which she did quite well.  I thought, I should have agreed to her request for skipping the bihag aalaap, as she might have felt within herself.   The audience did clap her, and my friends who came over from different places such as Trivandrum, Thrissur, Kochi, Mumbai etc. felicitated her, which was a surprise for me.  When we returned to the green room after the performance, one person, who introduced himself as a professional sitar player shook my hands and told me “it was unbelievable, considering her intellectual limitations’”  Also, well known flute player in carnatic style Vivek Shenoy also told me that “she played very well”.  Both these comments made my day, as they came from seasoned musicians. 

Pratibha was improving day by day, which was seen in the subsequent performances.  The 2nd performance was in Mattancherry, which was organised by my good friend Shri Uday Shenoy, who is an ardent lover of hindustani music.  She felt more relaxed here compared to the previous performance.

The 3rd performance was in a temple in Udyogmandal, Eloor, a temple where we used to go regularly in late 70s / early 80s.   Her confidence grew and she made less stumbling and slippages.

The fourth performance was in the Mahanavami get together and puja of our community in Trivandrum.  Around 150 people were there and most of them patiently listened to her performance.  What has touched my heart was a comment from Dr Nirmala Bai (my wife’s aunt), who was observing Pratibha’s growth right from the day she was born.   Here she performed Yaman, Bihag, the Shudh Bilawal composition and the song 'Honge Kaamayaab'.

In all the four performances, Dipin, a young talented tabalist from Elamakkara, Kochi accompanied Pratibha brilliantly.  Dipin’s controlled and adjusted playing of tabla has immensely helped raising the stature of the performance.  In the last two performances Pratibha played the composition in raag Shudh Bilawal followed by the famous song ‘Hum Honge Kaamayaab’.  We thank all those who have helped us with giving opportunities for these performances.

On our way back in train, the TTR was curious about sitar and he gave us a full berth to keep the sitar.  He also requested Pratibha to show him playing a bit of sitar, which Pratibha obliged.   He brought few of his friends (other TTRs) and few others in the compartment joined as audience.  Pratibha was struggling to hold the sitar in moving train, but it was fun.

It was an immense satisfaction for all of us in the family, to see Pratibha giving Sitar performances on stage.  What we started as a therapy, using music to help her improve, has taken a turn and gave Pratibha a direction for presenting herself confidently in front of music loving audience.  The way Pratibha performed and the kind of encouragement she received from many directly and in social media, is an inspiration for us to put more efforts on her and bring better out of her, so that she enjoys and make others enjoy her music.   

Here is a sneak preview video of Pratibha's first performance at Edappally Changampuzha Park on 16th October.  This is an edited 10 minutes version of 35 minutes performance.

Yes, these are the most joyful moments of our life… 

What a journey that was...

The Days...

Today is 1st International Yoga Day, Music Day and also Father's Day.  Thanks to our Prime Minister's initiative to spread the message of yoga across the world, and Unites Nations accepting the initiative and declaring June 21 as Yoga day.   What comes to my mind is the "relevance" of such "days".  There are many "Days" such as father's day, mother's day, valentine's day, environment day, autism day, reading day and a day for everything.  How do these "Days" help us?

Every year we see hype created for father's day, mother's day and of course valentine's day. That much hype is not seen for days such as environment day, autism day and reading day.  Being the first time, and proposed by India, yoga day is generating lot of buzz across the world.  I believe, spreading the message of yoga can help bring better awareness about yoga, leading to people practicing yoga, resulting in a healthy lifestyle.  Though there are groups in India itself working against it, which of course is natural, as nothing gets its buzz without any opposition.  I think, we all can be proud that this is India's contribution to the world. 

Now coming back to the Mother's day, Father's day etc., I have never really understood what these days are for.  Yes, people take pictures of hugging mothers, fathers and put them on Facebook or other social networks.  Buy gifts and send to father / mother.  Do we need a separate day to express our love towards father and mother? Do we need a day to flaunt pics with mother and father?  Everyday day most of us pray god.  As per Indian culture, god comes only 4th in line after Mother, Father and Guru.  Then isn't it natural that we remember Mother, Father and Guru before we pray god every day?  Similarly with our valentines too.  Isn't it that the love towards them is perpetual (never ending, continuous, always there...)?  Then I feel odd for those who remember and wish them only on "the days".  Gifts and gift card companies such as Archies are the most benefitted and also the flower vendors and flower farmers.  Yes, wishes and gifts do bring smiles.  Isn't that these smiles are for every day?  The economic activities generated by the commercial interests on those days do help many people, that could be a big plus.

Days such as environment day, autism day, water day, reading day etc. attract many initiatives in respective fields, and spread awareness.  Events are organised to remind people of the importance of safeguarding environment, and water; inspiring people to cultivate good habit such as reading; letting people know about disorders such as Autism and changing the way people with such disorders are looked at.  I think, such efforts help bring awareness in the society as a whole.  

Again coming back to my question on greeting mother through Facebook on Mother's day, greeting father through Facebook on Father's day etc.  Isn't the love towards our dear ones "personal" and close to heart?  Somehow I find it difficult to comprehend such flaunting.  Is love towards one's valentine (husband / wife), towards parents, towards children etc need to be flaunted on social networks?  Does expression of real love towards dear ones need publicity and flaunting? Doesn't it lead to degeneration of real love to "expressing for the sake of doing it"?   Or am I missing something here?  If I am convinced, I am open to change my belief.

Of course, this is my opinion.  I am sure most people will not agree with me. That's fine.

Seeds of values...

In my first post I have mentioned that there are quite a few people influenced me in my life, and I wrote about Swami Chinmayananda.  In this post, I am writing about another person who has influenced me most in evolving values in my life.  He is none other than my paternal grandfather Shri Govinda Kamath.  He left this world just a week before my SSLC results came, that too lying in my lap. 

His love towards us (the grand children) was phenomenal.  In those days, where children and grand children use to have a sense of 'fear' when dealing with elderly at home, we were at very ease with our grand parents.  What struck me the most was the way he celebrated his birthdays.  When most elderly people in the neighbourhood celebrated their birthdays by conducting special pujas and havans, my grandfather used to invite visible gods, the tribals living in our village (ullaadans) and feed them till they said 'enough'.  There must be close to 40 - 50 tribal men and women come home on his birthdays, and we prepare porridge (kanji) and lentils (payar) for them.  Each one was given handful of coconut oil, that they immediately put on their head.  A towel (thorth) was also given to each person.  I haven't seen such a gesture happening during those days in our neighbourhood.  This has influenced me a lot. It doesn't mean that he was not a religious person.  He was indeed a religious person, but he had his priorities set based on the values he believed in.  I learnt that, feeding the needy is the biggest havan that one can perform.

My Grandfather Shri Govinda Kamath

To me he was a 'visionary' and his 'vision' shaped our (his grand children's) lives.  'Educating us' was on top of his mind, that too educating in a field, that he felt we are good at.  He and my father didn't have much resources for giving us the best education.  When a dance class was started near our house, my grandmother felt that my sisters should learn dance.  It may look 'normal' these days.  But in those days, sending girls from a conservative family as ours, to learn dance was 'unacceptable'.  There were quite a few murmurs from many 'well-wishers'.  But my grandmother stood adamant and grandfather strongly supported her.  When they realised that 'dance' is 'the passion' for my elder sister, my grandfather took a bold step of sending her to 'Kerala Kalamandalam' for a 4 year diploma course in dance.  The rest is history.  She rose to the eminence of being conferred the coveted Sangit Natak Academy Puraskar in 2004 for classical dance, which she received from the then president Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.  I consider this as my grand father's vision and strength to wean away social nuisance created by so called 'moral preachers' in society.  Yes, my parents strongly supported him in realising his vision.  The initiative that my grandmother took, in spite of she being completely 'uneducated', has taken my sister to highest level of eminence in her chosen field.  My grandmother left us very early, when I was just about 12 years old. 

My Grandmother Smt Lakshmi Bai

My grandfather was also instrumental in sending my second sister for Homeopathy degree.  She enjoyed practicing homeopathy till her wedding.  But post-wedding, the attitude of 'women from our family are not supposed go for work', forced her to discontinue her practice and killed many talents that she had.  What my grandfather dreamt, did not happen.   Do we just relegate this to 'fate'? Is it fair?

I believe, taking right decisions at right time is an attribute of a visionary.  The initiatives and decisions he took at right time has made me what I am today.  When I was in 9th standard, the situation at my home reached to such a bad state that I couldn't focus on studies.  My parents too were helpless.  Realising the situation, my grandfather spoke to my maternal grandmother and with her consent requested my maternal uncle to take me with him for the sake of my studies.  He felt, I can focus on my studies if I stay away from home.  He took me to Trivandrum, came with me to school for admission, took me and introduced me to his nephews and ensured that I will not have much problems there. This movement to Trivandrum was a major turning point in my life.  I believe, this is an example of how each decisions can make or break one's life.  

He was an avid reader.  He used to get books from a local library and used to read a lot (of course, Malayalam books).   He used to take me to the library often, which might be one reason for my love for books.  He used to take me to most of the places he used to visit (in mid 60s); tell me about those places etc.  Long trips were mainly on boats to places like guruvayur, kodungallur, kochi, Ernakulam etc.  Only now I realise the value of the conversation I used to have with him during those trips.  Yes, they helped me shape my thoughts. 

Many events and incidences in one's early life plays a major role in shaping up ones beliefs, values, thoughts and mindsets.  I was fortunate enough to have a grandfather, whose vision and timely initiatives, decisions, actions and practices have sowed the seeds of right values such as intellectual honesty, rational and logical thinking / analysis, not to have blind faiths, compassion towards underprivileged etc. in me.  I do make lots of mistakes in life and get into difficult situations.  I do things which many of my close ones and relatives don't like or can't adjust with.  But, I am trying to do what I feel right.  Most times I succeed, and many times I fail.  The seeds of values sowed in me by people such as my grandfather helps me a lot to face such failures and come out of difficult situations, at times with success, and at times with failure.  Yes, that's life. One can't always succeed in anything and everything.  But I am contented, and no worries most of the times.

What music is to me..

My last weekend was immersed in music, at the Chinmaya Naada Bindu festival.  Complete engagement for almost 3 full days in classical music and dance. There were hindustani & carnatic music concerts (both vocal and instrumental), lecture demonstrations, kathak dance etc.  About 700+ people attending the festival; all staying in Chinmaya Vibhooti campus; all having food from the “Annashree” of Chinmaya Vibhooti.  Organization of the festival was flawless with the high level of enthusiasm of organisers, volunteers and attendees.  Non-availability of TV, newspaper, and internet ensured that we can focus on music.  There are only few areas where cell phone waves reach, that added to the much needed cut-off from the digitally-connected world.  

To me, it was a ‘spiritual’ retreat. Music helps me meditate, focus on inner self, and experience the calmness, implying that it is “prayer”. I have read many people using the term ‘spiritual’ in different contexts.  Most of the time I see people using the word ’spiritual’ for ‘religious’.  Personally I believe, ‘religious’ refers to ‘a set of beliefs’ and ’carrying out rituals’, and very different from spiritual.  There are no beliefs or rituals associated with listening to music.. so to me it is ‘spiritual’, as that takes me to a different level of inner feeling of calmness.

Have been reading on music and how it affects or influences human body, mind, soul and intellect.  Thought, I will share the essence of what I have understood.  Many people say ‘Music is universal language of God’. Fully agree.  Alders Huxley says “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music”.  Talented musicians express through their music (which are inexpressible by other means), and listeners experience the bliss.  Music and spiritual life are like twins, and how can we separate them? To a spiritual seeker, music helps to go deep within to get the utmost satisfaction from life.  

I think, music manifests in different people in different ways.  I would love to close my eyes and enjoy the bliss.  Of course, at times love to enjoy the actions of few musicians such as kunnakkudi vaidyanathan :) .  For some people music inspires them to do their art.  My good friend Shireesh Kathale tends to paint when he listens to great musicians.  Shireesh, a professor of design, creates fantastic paintings as he listens to maestros.  He painted during all the five concerts at the Chinmaya Naada Bindu festival, the outcome being amazing unique paintings.

I have read that music heals.  I do believe that, as I have seen the effect of music on my daughter.  Definitely it has helped her to become quieter.  Music therapy is practiced all over the world.  Few days back, I attended a presentation by an Indian classical musician, who practices music therapy and she claims that it has helped heal many people with brain disorders.  

An experiment conducted at the University of California at Irvine, where two groups of students were made to listen to different genres of music, and a third group nothing.  After listening, they took the famous Stanford-Beinet reasoning test.  The results demonstrated improved ability by those who listened to music.  Many stories can be found, which clearly demonstrates effect of music on people with autism, alzheimiers and parkinson.  

Right from childhood days, I wanted to learn music.  Finally that desire realised when I crossed 50.  I tried tabla and sitar.  Both didn’t give me the feel I wanted.  Now practicing bansuri does gives me the kind of satisfaction, I was looking for.  Though unable to devote enough time to practice, whatever little I am able to do, gives me immense satisfaction.  So, listening to good music and playing the basic lessons myself on my bansuri takes me to a different world.. That’s all my meditation and prayer.. Looking inward and trying to feel self.. 

Let me conclude this post reiterating what Plato has said "Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." 

How I find peace of mind...

Was looking back at people who influenced me most in my life.  There are many.  Different people influenced different aspects of my life.  But few names stand out.  Thought of capturing those moments that made difference to my life at some point.  First and foremost name that comes to my mind is Swami Chinmayananda.

During 1974-76, I got an opportunity to get associated with Chinmaya Mission at Thiruvananthapuram.  It was not that active an involvement.  At that time Chinmayananda Swamiji came to Trivandrum for a Geeta Jnana Yagna.  The yagna was for about 5 or 7 days.  At that time, I got opportunity to interact with Swamiji in the mornings, where Swamiji spent time with we youngsters, taught us reciting Geeta and clarified many questions we had.  BTW, I still remember the full 15th Chapter, which I learnt then.  Being a shy person, I generally don't ask questions.  But at some point, I asked Swamiji a question on "What is prayer?". The answer I got has completely changed my perception of what prayer is, and form that day, I started practicing prayer the way Swamiji told us.

Swamiji told us that prayer is simply surrendering oneself.  And if any thoughts of 'seeking of favours' gets in, then it is just business and no more a prayer.  It was an eye opener to me and most youngsters there.  We are used to going to temples and seeking different favours.  Especially on the day of exams, we make it a point to go to temple and make some offerings and request god for simpler question papers, more marks etc.  Like that we tend to ask god for different favours in different occasions.  From that day on, I decided to follow the advise of Swami Chinmayanandaji in 'letter and spirit', which has given me immense peace of mind.  Whenever I faced innumerable difficulties in life, 'praying' helped me to get out of them.  I asked no favours from any god from that time, and also not offered anything to any god for any return favour.  And that still continues.  I believe, whatever happens to me is for good.  Yes, at times, it takes some time to get over the turbulence.  Then 'prayer' helps. 

In this year of birth centenary celebrations of Swami Chinmayananda, I look back to those few moments of my association with Swamiji and how Swamiji's advise has changed a major aspect of my life leading to peace of mind, and strength to face difficult situations. 

Now it is almost an year, since I renewed my association with "Chinmaya", through 'Chinmaya Naada Bindu', a gurukul for Indian performing arts.  The happiness and joy that I derive being there is immense.   Tomorrow, I am back at the gurukul for 3 days, to be part of 5th Chinmaya Naada Bindu Festival. 

Surrendering self at the feet of Swami Chinmayananda, who touched my life significantly and helped me on how to find peace and gain strength to handle difficult situations in life.