Transformation of Parent's State of Mind [Autism Acceptance Campaign 2021 - Day 6]

Today it is 6th day of my Autism Acceptance campaign and we will look at different stages the families go through.. 

First many questions go through parents’ minds.  “Why us?”..  “What wrong we have done?” “Why God is punishing us?” etc. etc. The community around including extended family tries to find fault with parents. It takes time for parents to come out of this stage of “Why Us”?  Strong support by family and community around only can reduce the duration of this phase.  Stronger parent comes out of this stage first.  When the mindset of parents and other family members is “Why us”, they become blind, and lose the focus on the child’s development and growth.  Precious time is lost, leading to delays in getting the right interventions.  Because of neuroplasticity property of the brain, as the time progresses, the ability of brain to change tapers off.  It is very essential for parents and families to come out of “Why us” stage at the earliest. 

Once the parents and family members come out of the “Why us” mindset, the next question is “What next?”.  Precious time is lost, and parents start running around and unable to decide what to do next.  This is when parents approach doctors, therapists, psychologists etc. in a random manner.. Also many alternate medicines / therapies are tried out, mostly in a haphazard manner.  Many go to astrologers and religious persons too.  Objective is to do whatever that can bring the child back to “Normal”.  

Generally It takes many years for most parents and families to reach the “Acceptance” state.  Once they reach this stage, the child starts blooming.  The child starts getting unconditional love and support from family.  Parents keep thinking about identifying the best in the child and nurturing that.  The unconditional love towards the child starts making all the difference, leading to the child start seeing happiness and joy.   I had conversions with many parents, where they want to know what all we did for our daughter.  Majority of the parents starts the conversation with “my child has mild problem”.  Recently a 24 year old autistic person’s mother was telling me that her son has only 1% autism.  Another parent of a 29 year old, was refusing to accept that her son has autism.  Later I came to know that the issue is because of social compulsions.  I consider these as symptoms of lack of acceptance.  ‘Family with an autistic child’ is still ‘untouchable’  / ‘taboo’ in our society.  

As the parents grow and time progresses, the next big question in the minds of parents is “What after us”?  The autism fraternity, parents groups and NGOs are working hard to find solutions to this question.  There are businessmen too who tries to exploit such conditions.   Quite a few autism villages are coming up in the country as solution to this worrying question.

Based on my learnings, my request to parents is to “Accept your child as it is”, “Give unconditional love”, “Identify what the child is best at”, “Pursue what the child is best at”, “Work with other parents to find solutions for the child’s future”..